FASTING

omg i'm gonna die.

i have to not eat because it is the day of reticence.

it makes no sense. i'm suposed to not eat so that i can thik about my sins.

but i'm so hungry that all i can think about is tacos.

if i'm supposed to think about sins, then i should be the opposite of hungry.

which is full.

so that i'm nothinking about food.

i should want to EXPLODE because of food.

then i'd say, "I'm so sorry I ate so much. Forgive me."

i honestly feel like i'm gonna shrivel up like those kids on tv

:-(

nightmare

last night i had a nightmare.

i woke up and my heart was beeting so hard that the blanket was vybrating.

i didn't know where i was for a full minute even tho i was just in my bedroom.

i thought i twa sin a prison and i started to scream

my mom rushed in and asked me what was wrong

i started to tell her but then i couldn't remember my nightmare

does this ever happen to you?

its so frustrating. now my mom thinks i was just joking around and trying to make a great gag to wake her up at 4:30 am.

i wish i could remember the absolutely awful thing that happened to me in my sleep so that i could have it happen again and again and again until i could remember and then tell my mom.

that would show her.

obitchuary

so for english class we had to right our own obitchuarys. it is an exersize to help us to see what we will become in the FUTURE.

this is what i wrote and am bringing in 2morroOHHHHHHHHH

------------

David Kelsey [SPLOSIAN]

1993-2009

David Kelsey [SPLOSIAN] died today of a massive coronary.

He was in the middle of winning the US OPEN and also solving an unsolved crime about Jon F. Kennedy (a 4mer president).

David has 3 children who are surviving without him. THese are they're names:

Trish, Shadow, and Eric.

He also has a wife. This is what she looks like:

http://gfjfgkfgk.up.269g.net/image/kristen_bell_shoot_2_big.jpg

After graduating with a perfrect grades from Collegiate, David attended the University of Dartmouth, following in his father's footsteps literally. At Dartmouth, he was elected president of the fraternity / newspaper and had a small group of really funny but also close-nitted frineds.

After graduting from Darthmith, David was ofered a job in the ISraeli army. He also was ofered a job to be a speechwriter for Barak Obama because David is a DEMOCRAT PARTY and also is creative with words and thoughts of motivatsionsal speaking.

You may talk a bit about your favorite hobbies or books that made an impact on your life. Be sure to use complete sentences and proper grammar when wr:

Some of my favorite hobbies include TENNIS, nature, central park walks, time with Damon rolling around like two old souls, and i'm starting to sort of like singing but i only learned 3 notes.

David's body was CREMATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my sister

keeps pooring my shampoo down the drain

such difficulteys!

OK so the world has opened up beneath my feet and i'm not even talking about the time i fell into a manhole on 73rd and lex.

so, as so many of oyu know, my dad is in the movies business (DON"T WORRY MOM I"M NOT GOING TO SAY WHO HE IS JESUS CHRIST STOP THREATENING MY INTERNET. I NEED IT LIKE I NEED FOOD IN MY STOMACHS! WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE SINCE YOU DIVORSED HIM. DON'T TURN OFF MY WIRELESS AGAIN!)

um.

so i went out to LA last may to visit my dad and he took me to a shooting of this movie called 500 DAYS OF SUMMER which opened this summer. and it was sort of cool. i've been on movie sets a billion times, but its always nice to go back because of the food.

anyways, so this girl comes over to me and she's sort of pretty and we start talking. she assks me about the rubber bracelet around my wrist and is joking saysing, "do you wear that because you went to second base with a girl?" and at the time i hadn't been to second base with a girl because i wasonly 15. since then i've gone to second base a total of 9 times with a total of 2.5 girls.

anways, so the girl asks me that and i'm like, 'no, i wear this because of cancer.' and she's like, 'i know.' turns out she was a jokseter. but she was sort of pretty and we kept tlking. she asked me if i wanted a cd of her band and i was like, 'um ok,' because it was polite and i don't even really like any music because it hurtsm y ears.

then they set up the seen and it turns out the girl i was talking to was the movie star -- this actress named zooey daschanel. if you don't believe me, here is ap hotograf of her:

http://chadpelley.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/zooey-deschanel-07.jpg

so then she starts doing this dum seen with this guy who kept whereing sweater vests. every single seen they kept switching his sweater vest. it was so weird.

anyway, it turns out that this girl zooey was super at acting. i totally forgot that we had even had a conversation about bases.

anyways, at the endo of the shooting day, we took a photograf toether and she kissed me on the cheak in the photograf and my hand is like almost sort of holding her brest.

WELL

alli was looking through my iphoto to find this hilarious photograf we took last week of this homeless man pooping in a garbage can and she found the brest photograf of me and zooey.

she won't even talk to me anymore.

said i cheeted on her butt that was even before we were exclusive.

what do I DO?

omg i just found out

that my family is absurdly rich

i invented the new ipod!!!!!

i invented the next iPod!!! I'll giv eyou a hint. it doesn't ahve to do with music and it's something you use in the cellar. it is very inexpensive to manufacture (except ofr the microchips i bet i could make it in a weekend). it weighs basically nothing in the final version. so its so litewait that you can take it with you to your friends cellar or even a cellar in a nother state, like oregon.

it makes life easier and also better.

that's it for hints until i get it patented.

I'M GONNA BE SO RICH THAT I WON'T EVEN NEED MY INHERITANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

the power of prayer

my mom's personal trainer is sick today

please pray for him

second base

it's incredible. i'm not joking. i always knew it'd be awesome. it's incredible. i'm not joking.

here's how it happened!

[NO IT WASn'T A DARE – ROHIT!]

alli and i were playing under her covers and i actually was just like, "i'm floppin tired of just looking at it so I just went BANG and she started laughing and was like, "you're good at that" and I didn't even know I was good at grabbing a boob! it's all like, "what's secret skills do i have inside of me that i didn't even realize?" i bet i can like pole vault. honeslty. does anyone acutally know how to pole vault? its not something you just leran. it must be innate, like breathing or pooping. i know if i got a huge flopping pole [AND NO I DON"T MEAN THAT ROHIT YOU PERVERT!] and was like BOOM I know I could flip over the bar and not even touch iwth my toes. i could be a secret olympian just like that girl form china who pretended to be old enough to do gymdances even though she was only 7 and didn't even sing the national anthem.

anyway, this opens up a huge question – DO I GO FOR THIRD OR GO STRAIGHT FOR HOME? that wuld certainly impress her. but i'm honestly not sure i'm ready for a homerun.

in truth, my favorite thing to do is just sit and kiss.