HOW TO [ACTUALLY!!!] TELL A GURL YOU LOVE HERE; PART 1

The blogosphere has been BLOWING UP over my recent SLAMDOWN of the wikihow entry on how to tell a girl that you are loving her.

first of all, i want to thank you (my fans) for supporting me and theis blog. if you like what you read SEND ME MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love to get money to spend on DRUGS!~!!!!! jk, i'm drug free b/c drugs are NOT cool and are responsible for the WARS IN AFGHANSITAN and IRAQ. i think the US should just BUY THE OPIUM FIELDS and then there won't be any more wars. plus then we'll own all this land in AFGAHANISTNA and IRAW wear they can bild resorts which will be awesome b/c they'll come with tons of FRFEEEE OPOUIM!

so here's how you tll a girl you like her.

first -- CLEAN YOURSELF! there is nothing girls hate more than a smelly boy. i shower about 3 times day and I brush my teeth between classes. i aalso swallow 4-6 altoilds like pills so that when i burp, i burp MINT. it actually works. i also fart mint.

NOTE: if you are an athelte like me (tennis!!!! what what!) girls like when your in you're uniform and have sweat on your body. it reminds them that we are all animals. so what i do is where my uniform and spray myself with this bottle of WHITE DIAMONDS perfume i found in my mom's closet. it gives me a glisten the grisl LOVE.

second -- pick out the girl you want to covet.

here are a checklist to help you choose the girl:

is the girl pretty? (yes / no)
is the girl rich? *(yes / sort of / no)
is the girl funny (no / no) hahaha!
is the girl nice to you (my last three girlfriends cheeted on me and that's NOT cool.) (yes / you think so but your not totally sure / no)
is the girl have a PENIS! (yes / no) HAHA. if you answer yes, you just kissed a BOY!
is the girl smart? (girls are smarter then boys. that's just a fact. they are also taller)
how old is the girl? (yes / no)

NOW . tally your answers. if you answered yes at least 5 times, you are in love. pick that girl and then you have to find a time when you can impress her.

SECRET: THE WORST YOU TREAT A GIRL, THE MORE SHE WILl FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

show her a little attention andf then sort of treat her like s#it. then sort of pretend your interested in her best freind. this will incerease the jealousy. a lot of jeaously is at the heart of every first relationship. FACT: my father's girlfriend is the most jealous person i ever met and i saw her throw a barstool at my dad once when he was giving this woman his phone number just because he wanted to see if his phone was broken. my dad's girlfriend is SO CUTE and is like 22, so that's proof right there.

ok, so by now youve probably touched the boob of her best friend.

what does it feel like ? (good / bad)
does she have a Penis? (THAT'S A BOY! AHAHHAHAA WQITH BOOBS!))!!!!)

ok. now comes the time when you have to do what's called a "GRAND GESTURE."

this may be like buying her something expensive or helping her to win her field hockey game or something.

she'll be all like, "He does care about me?"

NOW THE NEXT PART IS CRUCIAL!!!!!

when she tries to kiss you, say, "i'm sorry, but im not attracted to you."

this will lower her eseteems. then she is yours.

i want to say, RIGHT NOW, that i am NOT A SHOWVANIST!! i rote these theorys in ms. danton's class and turned it in for creative righting and she rote back that iw as a SHOWVANIST and i should treat women with respect and just be honest.

ms. danton is 53 and unmarried.

bingo.

(true her husband sdied last summer, but she's still unmarried and doesn't get what love is like these days)

i've had 6 girls break my heart since december. they can be so mean and sometimes you jsut need to fight back.

i think i need to go back on my meds.

anyway...

i right more thoughts to tomorrow. i gotta lie down for a while. if you want to