oh man, i was just in a really serious movie based on a true story. i am the best pretender of all time. give me a statue of a gold man to honor how well i pretend to be someone who actually did something wonderful
ohhhh! what am i whereing tonight??? is it a tuxedo? is it a dress? who makes it? how mcuh does it cost? what the crap is SHE!!! whereing tonight??? is she a FREAKING ANIMAL? why is she whereing THAT? does she not have a thought in her head? even I UNDERSTAND FASHION BETTER THAN THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE. pass me the pizza – SHUT THE HELL UP JASON!!!! I"M WATCHING BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WIN AWARDS. NOW GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM. I DON"T KNOW WHY I BOUGHT YOU THOSE NINTENDO WIIS IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA PLAY THEM ALONE IN YOUR ROOM!
now lets do a million dances!!!
some jokes!
hahahaha. oh STEVE MARTIN! you STILL have it! really nice joke! [DID HE COME UP WITH THAT ON THE SPOT???????]
now for the real awards:
BEST HORSE IN A MOVIE:
Joshua Horse
BEST FOOD IN A MOVIE SCENE:
pasta
BEST ACTOR IN A BACKGROUND SCENE:
Linda Freedmont, Portsmouth, NH
BEST USE OF THE WORD "AND":
The Hurt Locker
OH SHIT! DID A BVUNCH OF CELEBRITIES DIE? NOW LETS SHOW THEY"RE FACES SO THAT PEOPLE AT HOME CAN SAY< "OH SHIT I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS DEAD?? ? WHEN DID HE DIE, HUSBAND??/ I NEVER HEARD THAT????!!!!! HOLY SHIT!! HE"S DEAD?"
FORMULA FOR A HIT FILM:
Ingredients:
4 beautiful celebrities playing poor people
1 fatal disease
3 exotic location / alley
1 thing that americans can't possibily understand fully so they appreciate it like its magic or something: math, science, wine, tornados
3 boobs
8 songs by radiohead
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a gazillion people are dying a year, from old age and other reasons
let's get our priorities strate, america
maybe before we give each other awards, we should remember how beautiful, fragile, and precious each moment is.
we should be filming our own lives and giving awards to each other to say, "hey friend, i really appreciate you in my life"
JK!!!!
ps -- my dad won an oscar TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
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