i came to a realizition. nothing matters. we're just littlebugs walkingaround on theplanet and soonwe'll all be gone and replaced by other bugs. so whats the point?
also my spacebarisbroken. sorry.
i haveto copypaste in spaces anditisreally annoying. i'll trytodo agood jobfor you'rebenefit,fatefulreaders.
nothing matters. itssso sadthat peoplearedoing such terriblethingsto each other inthe world. becausenothingmatters. soon well all be squashedandreaplced by bugs. i thinkthe only things in life we should care about are ourloved ones.
it's also nicetohelp people sothat they can get to a plce where they can help therelovedones. i'mnotheartless or, as my mom calledit wheni told hermy new philsophy, i'm not nilest. it's just the truth. how can you argue about thetruth? if it is truth, it isfact. its sortoflike why don't i knowthe names of the parts of my brain when it isMY BRAIN?you know?
anyway, nothing matters. i was on the 2/3 yesterday andthis woman wasreadingaPEOPLE magainze.it wasso sad. we'reonly on the planetforlike 80 years (I'll be alive probably 120 because of science). still, she'sso soworriedabout, like, brittney spears and miley.so whocares? they don't care about her. i bet i could have quized her aboutwho is famous andsleepingwith who and she'dknowall the answers. buti could ask her about politics, things that eveni know, andshe wouldn't know or care. because sheknows. sheknows nothingmatters. soshe might aswell read about celebritiesbecause it isfantasty. they are lifeshe wishes she had. she wishes she wentto fancy parties and made movies and had a trailer with make-up people and she wasalways complaining about howtired she was andhad peoplescurrying around her trying to makehermorecomfortable. i sort of can'tblameher. i'd want my 80 years (her 80, my 120) to be as comfortable as possible.
if we can make it through a lifetime without a debilitating tragedy, thatislike the greatest miracle ofall time.
tomorrow i could get hit by a cab. i could accidentally killsomeone too. there's noway to konw. nothing mattters.
it'sallchance, like that greaat movie NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. the killer understands my philosphy. he knowslife is all about luck and chance. heknowsthat we are bugs.
i stopped posting on the blog because noonecares about my opinions. idon't careeither. i hate theinternet. if i don't read it, its amazing -- lifegoeson. i started to readtheworld bookencylopedia. i'm finishing up C rightnow. i've read theentire A and B. it is astronishing. i knowstuffnow that i didnt evenknow existed before. i'min a race withtime. tohave as full a human experience as possible before my luck runs out.
two nights agoi asked erin if she wanted to go to see IN THE HEIGHTS because she loves plays eeven though i think theirtotally stupid and waste oftime. at least in amovie rooms have fourwalls. in a play, iam trapped. if it iss boring, i cant leave. i'mahostage. its sodumb. anyway, isay this to show that i was willing tosit through tortureforerin.
and she said YES shewanted to go.
then a half hour latershe textedand said:
IQUOTE
"you mean as friends right?"
so i text back
"unless you want it to be date"
then she texts
"haha. friendsisgoodforme."
sheusedspacesbuti'mjusttootirednow.
nothingmatters.
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